Commodity or Simplicity ?

Just had a good chat with Anjo -MiracleBV-YAPP- Kolk, and we got some good soundbytes and possibly a presentation topic:

1st: IT is now a commodity, but that doesnt necessarily mean that IT is more simple.

For business (outsource-)decision makers this means that outsourcing IT to the cheapest provider is means exactly that: Cheap (and nothing else, let alone anything would work as expected - to make anything work is an Extra $$$).


2nd: Ppl are used to app-store style solutions.

We should keep that in mind when building customer faceing systems.
If it doesnt work immediately, the user will simply try to download another app. If there is no friedlier alternative, the user will become very unhappy, and possibly do a Youp[link].


Read the Title again: if you have the choice between "Commodity" and "Simplicity".
Simplicity may work better.

UKOUG TEBS call for papers

As a conference- and event-groupie, I have to do this: Shout to the world about upcoming events. Here is one:



I just received an email that the Call for Papers for the UKOUG Conference Series Technology and E-Business Suite 2010 has opened. The submission deadline is 2nd August, so you still have some time. The event itself is from 28th November to 1st Devember in Birmingham.

From my experience I can only say that this is the best European Oracle event around, so if you want to be part of it: Just do it! Submit your abstracts here:http://techandebs.ukoug.org/

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With Thanks to colleage Roel Hartman for providing me the blog-content - I was too lazy to type it myself.

All jokes aside, next few weeks I'll be visiting a lot of events, and speaking at some, and I hope to see some of you there!

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If you hesitate about submitting: Don't think too long, Submit!
As Jonathan Lewis pointed out on his blog, the event wants to cater or both the "experienced" and the not-so-blase.

My own take is: pick your best achievement or your worst nightmare of the last 12 months, and tell us about it. (End-)User experience is what counts, in any shape or form.

Later in the year, there are a few less-known events that are very much worth the trip too: SIOUG on the Adriatic, Planboard in Holland.

Catch the Wave

Got the invite, and I jumped in. I have actively tried to surf some googlewaves with a few friends, but I do get the feeling this is a case of Emperors Clothes sometime.

How many of you have actually stood on a surf-board or even windsurfed? Both are not easy - well not to clumsy impatient geeks like me. But once you "get it", the experience is Excellent!

How many realize that the perfect wave is something very ethereal. To be catched when it happens, and to never return. We all have our "perfect wave" moments, but I'm not sure if gee-wave is one of mine

The good thing of this new wave is to link up, again, with ppl I appreciate, and some I had nearly forgotten.
And the gadgets look mint to: cool voting widgets, maps, all sort of embedded content. And we havnt even seen the "wave" of applications that can be built with the API. If Facebook is anything to go by, wave has a huge Gee-Wizz potential.

But the down-side is that it seems to take much more time then plain email, skype-chat, yahoomessenger, msn, googlechat, whatever. And that live typing is relatively slow from most connections I have used so far. Any way I can turn that off?

Does anyone remember IRC or ICQ chat ?
Anyone used the the VMS and unix "phone" utility ?

And now we have facebook (mafia wars!), hyves, skyrocks (my 13yo has about 7 hompages there, for various purposes), LinkedIn, google-talk and twatter. And with Google Lattitude, several ppl (+ all of google) keep track of my whereabouts already.

Tomorrow we will be on gwave and lattitude (and a few more that only my kids know of).

A UKOUG Conference-promotional wave anyone ?

I'm only a Simple Oracle Dba, and I'll try not to be a Luddite.


Okokok, just got a txt msg asking if I could check a certain wave that mentions an email of about an hour ago...

compliments to metalink support

Metalink is a very positive experience.

My compliments to Oracle for their state-of-the-art 3rd generation pro-active Support system.

The good old metalink interface was Snappy and Fast and the new flash(?) interface is so clever it is just a doddle (albeit a bit obese, I do alway request for a mega-size hi-res screen, and a 3Ghz Dual-core machine, just in case).

You will notice that I cram in as much positive words as I possibly can, just to make it look like I really am a fantastic supporter of this excellent metalink support system. The search engine will love this. And may the gods of google and Redmond reward me with oodles of Good Karma, and lunches, and plane-tickets, for all this forward-facing and link-enhancing Feedback. if only I wasnt so lazy with links...


Anyway, the Rant...

Last week I had one of those refreshingly positive Metalink experiences.

An issue with "system statistics". The details are rather client/app specific, hence no further details (yet).

System_statistics?
You know, the stats that replace Multi-block-read-count and ind_cost_adjust_perc. The stats that tell the Cost-Based-Optimizer about the underlying hardware.

System stats are the stats that get stored in SYS.AUX_STATS$ with items like CPUSPEED, MBRC, SREADTIM and MXTHR (another great feat of engineering-in-progress, the CBO). For those of you who think I'm talking about stats on the SYS schema, or just the auto-gather job: Get the Book By Christian Antognini. He has what I think is a good explanation, and the Best Strategy (best practice, if you want management speak) for gathering system-stats.


OK, so we have an Issue with this gather_system_stats. And nor metalink nor google came up with a satisfactory answer. Even a phone-call to an ACE director didnt give me a resolve (but at least we agreed on possible approaches, Thx Anjo!)

So what is a consultant to do ? I reluctantly opened an SR...

After two polite and cheerful acknowledgements (Hi I'm Joe and I will help you.... Hi I'm Tom and I will help you....) but no answer whatsoever, the third "Support Analyst" had actually searched metalink and typed (pasted) some reply. Thank you.

His first reply was to read 10 or so notes on Metalink, all related to "object stats", e.g. gather_schema and gather_table stats. My colleages had already read all of those, and I had read most. I sacrificed my time on a double-check but our answer wasnt in there.

So I had to update the SR and politely point out that my question was about SYSTEM statistcs. The ones stored in SYS.AUX_STATS$, and gathered by dbms_stats.gather_SYSTEM_stats. The stats that represent the underlying hardware configuration.

Next reply from the analyst (more metalink searching on his part) was that the gathering of stats on the SYS schema was explained in ML notes Eeeeeeh.1, Grrrrr.1 and Zzzz.1... with some obviously sensible and MC (Metalink-Correct) caveats and version-dependency remarks.

I then Icey-Politely stated I did not want to offend him, but that I would really appreciate it if he read the question and my replies again, carefully. Please-pretty-please.

Maybe the question was not that trivial, after all. I had spent a full evening in an Ice-cold shopping centre with wifi trying to find the answer myself on both metalink and google.

One Weekend further, a support analyst called my mobile number. Relief. This person at least knew approximately what system-statistics were. And he called mainly to confirm and assure that he actually understood the question (Yay - Progress!). He Did understand the Issue. And the question. And he is now looking for an answer inside Oracle.

The secret of using the CBO is to not let it eat up your time and effort. And in writing this, the CBO just cost me another 30min of my life. My mistake.

Am I Positive about Metalink ?
You Bet !

That fact alone that someone now read and understood the question, and the actual effort he displayed to now find an answer is Refreshing. It restores my faith in online-support.

And metalink-alone justifies the flat-screen TV I've requested on my desk.

Irony anyone ?
(I never was good at jokes)

Thank You, that was ACE

Thank You, Anjo.

(Rush job blog, as I have a few other things on, writing from the BK in Metrocentre, with funny blockage of blogger-items ...)

Anjo-YAPP-Kolk doesnt really need introducing, and I am not going to link to
him again, for fear of over-doing the link-stuff (dont want jealous webmasters, do we?) and my boss is also looking...

But Anjo basically, on a rainy evening over one of those idea-bouncing
nerdy dinners, dropped the concept, wrote the introduction, and magically made me enter the ACE-arena...

And now he twitted the news prematurely and I got a few "Gratz" mails.

All I still need to do now is to sign over my life to Larry, sit still, behave respectably (Havnt bought a suit in ages...), and then I might be allowed to put various logos on my blogs and presentations. Maybe someone will someday finally READ all this... This writing stuff isnt really my thing, I prefer to stand up in front of customers or a usergroup-audience. More Fun, less spelling-errors).

Anyway. Awaiting the last results from the jury...

And my next blog ( at SimpleOracleDba.blogspot.com) will be semi-serious, about a select count(:x) stmnt, whereby x is...

Oracle Usergroup Scotland and Northern Server Day

Or, as now two different UKOUG representatives have stated: we dont mind if you mention our events on your blog.

Well, since a lot of the internet is indeed just "Search Engine Content", and since it is mainly about link-harvesting, here is some plug-text for the Events where I myself present.
speaking of links... I refuse to point out the site that most bugs me when I do googlies on "oracle" content. you all know there is a lot of obnoxious trivial stuff around, and I am quite ashamed to go into the game of search-enginge-link-farming myself. The name "dom" comes to mind [link to Ora600.be]. Kurt did a good job of making fun of it.

I am also green with envy those who can go and see Tanel in Europe, and even Jeremiah Wilton comes to holland this summer. But I will make the effort to first promote the following (nearly free) events:

First, there is the Northern Server Day of UKOUG on 28 April 2009.
To be held in the beautiful city of York.

After you have done the touristy-check (York is Beautiful!), please also check out the content of the Meeting (just follow the UKOUG logo...). There are two streams (you may have to choose) and topics are about disasters Recovery, flashback, exadata, and (hometown of Pete Finnigan... you guessed it... ) Security.

The Northern Server day is an excellent opportunity to mix with fellow-practicioners and exchange some relevant real-world (non-sales) experience. And York is easy to reach by train from just about anywhere in the North (or anywhere else, for that matter).


Secondly, The Scots, proud as ever, of course have their own OUG, and some blue color in the logo.

The Oracle User Group Scotland DBA SIG, will be held the next day, 29 April 2009, in "Embro". And again, you can meet peers with Real World Experience who use the same products and tools you do. Come and learn from eachother. Personally, I did have a problem convincing my management that I really should visit both, but I gave them a few strong-worded arguments, backed up with links to both events (hey, links and search-engines can be your friends indeed)

Hope to see you on one, or both, of the events!


PS: Tjees, do I sound like a commercial or what ?
Even dom himself couldnt do more link-shopping, could he ?
You two (you know who you are) now Happy with this ?

Anyone interested in starting a Toon-chapter of UKOUG. Logo: black and white stripes...?

In a crisis, you call the DBA

There is renewed demand for Real DBA skills.

And I now understand why.

In these stormy days, there is an increasing need for sober, simple and honest craftsmen (and women). Solid DBAs who know their job, who do not over-stretch or over-promise, and who can tell it like it is.

It really helps that Customers have no more patience for FUDdies and timewasters.
The vendors of over-complex, every-expanding, ever more costly contraptions are the first to go. Houses of cards cannot stand the storm. And the groupies that dont carry their weight get blown away with them: They add no value to Real Application Business.

In these Fearfull times, the demand for Uncertainty and Doubt is suddenly gone, and there is a need for Real Application Solutions.

Those who tried to boast their CV by implementing ever-more-misty FUD and "business" oriented layers of complexity are now finding a deaf ear. The Customer is too busy surviving, and their shiny layered contraption may have to go in the freezer, or down the drain. Simple Real Application Survival is more important.

I have always liked a good crisis.

A crises is when you call your DBA.

A crisis is the moment, the Opportunity, to solve some Real Application Problems.

And remember Professor Dijkstra:

"Simplex Veri Sigillum"
simplicity is the hallmark of truth.

Dijkstra then went on to state:
"Unfortunately, Complexity sells better"

Customers got wise.
Customers stopped buying!

And many sensible customers are actually using this so called "crunch" to reduce the complexity. The cold wind will blow away the chaff, and leave more room or serious, quality engineering.

Simple, solid and robust systems are de rigeur again. Real Application Simplicity.


Tip for salesmen: If you want to sell anything: try selling something simple.


PS: Thanks to a Miraculous friend for inspiring this blog! I hope his presentation went well, and I told him:
In case of doubt: Choose the more Simple solution.

Real Application Simplification is the word!

Herding TOAD

You have to see the Fun side of this credit-crunch thing!

We had some great humour sprouting up inside our company when management went into cost-cut-panic. Hence the squeezed lemons.

And now this: A tech who turned maybe-manager and who will rationalize our TOAD license into "compliance".

Controlling Developers TOAD is like hearding Cats.
Actually, it is much harder then that!
(I think this was Pete Sharman's favorite line)

Here is an appropriate classic line by a Nerd from this 90s movie:

"The kind of control you are trying to exert is just not possible"



I am simply saying that Licenses eh Toads eh Life Finds a Way.

Luckily, the current office dinosaurs are not half as scary as the ones in the movie. But let me just check that My Green Friend is still legal, in case I get a spot-check on my laptop next week.


Never forget how a lean and mean american client, always brutally efficient, avoided to pay for a very complex and very bespoke report from the E-Business Suite:

"So, Who wants this report again? ... "

(....timid answer...., followed by a Grunt from the Boss)

"So what if we just get rid of him?"

Database wise, that is called Optimization by Elimination.
Funny that this client is still doing quite well...

Optimization by Elimination...
That reminds me of Dave Ensor...

My next Presentation on the Northern Server Tech Day might just be about Indexes, simple and advanced, and on what you can do if CBO doesnt "get it". Tapio and Richard Foote to the rescue.

Elimination is key. I'm still working on it.
Elimination of useless effort.
Elimination of Complexity.
Simplicity.

Of course, I do not have the Definite answer to CBO headaches. 42, and some paracetamol may still be your best bet.

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Update: Lisa and the folks at UKOUG have chosen to re-run my rather boooring presenation on "Is my Back(up) (re)covered ?". On the one hand I find it my most boooring presentation, but in the last 12 months, it has been The most asked-for topic I present on. I guess "Recovery" is even more of a fixation then the infamous CBO. I'll do a plug on the "Northern Server Day" later, but suffice to say York is a very nice town and the NS day is alsways a relaxed gathering of Oracle Professionals. Funny enough, there is a Scottisch DBA-SIG event the day after./

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Anyway, one more about Rationalizing TOAD:



Respect to those who manage to ride this herd into town succsefully !

Miracle Open Oracle World

Mooow.

This is a Shameless Plug.

I'll blame it on the credit-crunch: I was looking at a slow-ish week with a few documents to review, a few meetings left-right-centre, and especially a lot of boring car-commutes.

What saved me was a brief chat with Anjo Klok from Miracle Benelux. There were a few spaces left at the Miracle Oracle Openworld (Moo?) Event in Lalandia.

So, Im writing form the back of a minivan on my way to the Event. and to justify my use of the Miracle Taxi Service (MTS), I should give the good folks at Miracle some free publicity.

Here is the Banner


There are a few aspects that make this event unique:
First, the quality of the speakers and presentations. Secondly, there is the relatively small scale of the event. It is about the size of a good UKOUG SIG meeting, and offers a good opportunity to mix with the speakers. Mogens, the organizer, deliberately did not provide a speaker-lounge, hence the Gurus cannot hide from the hoi-polloi. Ample opportunity to harass them with questions.

Oh, and dont mention it to your manager, but the Danes also know how to throw a party, or two.

More later!

UKOUG 2008 Bloggers Assistance.

It is that time of year: the UKOUG is on with the Organisation of the next Big Yearly Conference. And as this is the 25th edition, it may just be Extra Feisty.

The call for papers is out and can be found here: http://conference.ukoug.org/




As always, the blogosphere is asked to plug, to promote and to web-Link this event into the search-engine rankings (the request went out weeks ago, and I am probably the last, fashionably late, blogger to put in an entry... But hey: there might be drinkies again at the blogger-event).

To be honest: This one is Worth It!

It is one of the Largest and Best Organized non-Oracle-Oracle events (e.g. not organized by Oracle, but still about Oracle) on this side of the Atlantic. Another good one is the SIOUG in Slovenia[link]: surprisingly Large Event and in a very nice location (yes, I was there last year, and it was Great Fun).


Time to go over my project-notes from this year to see what I can bring to the party. I had several ideas in the last months, but none of them are very "nice". But then, that is what user-groups are for maybe: Calling a Spade a Spade ?

"Upgrade Nightmares"
Indeed, why do we do it each time? why do we take the bait and the FUD each time and go through these Painful Upgrades...
My Cost+work saving tip for today would be: If you are still on 9.2 or even 8.1.7.4, and are considering to upgrade (as you should) why not show real balls and wait for 11.2 to come along?
If you have to go through the pain of an upgrade, you might as well
go to the highest possible version and be done for at least the next 2 years...

"Is my Diaster (re)Covered?"
Well... yes, but... (Oracle will never say No..)
If and Only If you took all the right precautions, and after you have managed to DIY the recovery all by yourself, Then the jovial Oracle representative is ready to share in your success!

If you had failed, then that is exactly what would have happened:
"YOU and only you, the miserably non-manual-reading, non-certified,
non-budget-spending, non-patch-applying DBA, would have Failed".
It could not possibly be the fault of those expensive Oracle products, could it?
Actually, let this narrow-escape be a lesson to you:
In future, you will need to buy more (licensed options) of these products just to make sure you show your total determination to spend your whole budget on their products.
BTW: the long winding small print on all Oracle products (the screen with the "I agree" button)states the equivalent of:
"Any disaster will still be your responsability..."


Right.
Those titles should get me in the "good book" of someone (whoever pays for my UKOUG budget), but probably not in the book of Oracle... hmmm.

In short:
If you want to know what works and what does not work with Oracle Products and Tools, then come to the UKOUG conference. The information you can get there is about as good as it gets.

See You There!

Touting for Business

For the moment, October is heating up with a very full Agenda.

Remember, I must also bring in some bacon for my bosses. Hence keep an eye on my billability. Combined with various other activities and just-one-more-presentation popping up, It looks like October is counted for.

November, by contrast looks Quiet. First three weeks of November see a surprising drop in demand (demand for my services, that is). I am looking forward to doing some Research and Development, and to refresh my Hands-On experience.

But... as a good consultant, with respect to Shareholder value (not to mention my managers-managers-bosses who want to retire early) I should be charging my time Adding Value to some Customer (Mind you, November, and I'm stocked up on firewood...)


Anyway, need to get serious. Hence this simple Tout:

Hire Me. (in November)

I can poke fun at your vendors.
I can make your Architects Cringe.
I can make your DBA's laugh (or cry)

Simply put: I am an Oracle DBA.
For more of my credentials: see the right-hand side of this blog, or just Google me

NB: No FUD here, I will not stick around to eat all of your budget: I'm booked for the last week of November. Then I'm going to UKOUG (that takes care of 1st week of December), and then I'm booked for at least one week in December. And Christmas is approaching.

After the Holidays, I already have Various part-time commitments for January and February, so that looks good (to my manager).

But November has some space.
Hence the shout.

The Angel of the North

Had you not seen it yet then ?

It looks like it will finally happen. I now have an appointment with a fellow-DBA to go visit "The Angel" to have my piccie taken.


The folks here up north are mighty proud of this gignormous statue. although some say that the iron could also have been used to lay an extra railway track all the way to London. This welcoming Angel stands ready to embrace any Geordie thas has dared to venture down south and is now returning Home.

The structure is extremely visible from both road and rail, and is a great icebreaker. Especially on a busy train, the visiting foreigner should show admiration and awe when passing the Angel.

I tend to say something like "Wow, Indeed, it is Impressive. And Bigger then I thought it would be." One or more of the locals sitting around you will generally react along the lines of "Had you no seen it yet then ?", "you should visit it you know, Like." And this classic: "When it was only just put up, one night they dressed it in a Newcastle United footbal shirt, you know, with the black and white stripes like. Greet Stont, like."

And to show how friendly and open the folks here are, I had several invites: "It is very special you know. And, like, If you want, I can drive you up so you can have your picture taken."

Well, I now have one of those invites set in my agenda. And I hope to be able to show "me piccie" soon. Like. Looking forward to this memorable event!

Jokes and sponsors

This should become the meta-page for jokes and funny-links. Jokes will attract traffic, which will make the sponsoros happy.

Chris started it: he sent me a mail recently requesting to put jokes on the blog. I'll gladly oblidge. His first suggestion was very appropriate for Newcastle: it was a beer joke.

But as this blog is either about Travel (fun) or about my professional life (should also have a large fun-component), I'll try to limit the jokes to topics related to Travel.

More Jokes and Suggestion welcome.





Beer turns you into a Woman!

Last month, scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer
consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally
8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

Note by PdV: did they do a comparison-test by having 100 other men drink water ? or red wine ?


The next two jokes are shamelessly stolen from Mr Cockrane.

The Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the Bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The Parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Maxims for the Internet Age

Home is where you hang your @

The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail

Speak softly and carry a cellular phone

Too many clicks spoil the browse

The geek shall inherit the earth

What boots up must come down

Virtual reality is its own reward

A user and his leisure time are soon parted

There's no place like http://www.home.com

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks